Best Blind Date in 158 Years
by TommyMac
Summary: The recently single Damon travels to Forks, Washington for a blind date with the newly divorced Bella. Their date takes an expected turn when Alice arrives with dire news.


Best Blind Date in 158 Years

Damon Salvatore waited in a damp doorway. The clouds let some late-afternoon sunshine through, but Damon knew that would not last. The state of Washington got more rain than even Mystic Falls did.

"Forks," Damon said to himself with a dismissive smirk. "What's the next town over, 'Spoons'?"

"It's Port Angeles," called a female voice from down the block. "At least, the next town over of any real size."

A pretty young woman with dark hair walked up to Damon. She wore a cute summer dress with a light jacket over her shoulders.

"You heard me from down there?" asked Damon.

The young woman smiled and pointed to one ear. "Vampire hearing. You're Damon."

"And you must be Isabella," said Damon, shaking her hand.

"Bella," she said.

"Bella it is," said Damon letting go of her hand. "So."

"So," said Bella.

"I'm usually not this…" Damon had to think of the right word and said, "Awkward."

"I used to be super awkward, until…" Bella pointed to her ear again.

"You got your vampire hearing and everything that came with it," said Damon. He knew what that was like.

"Exactly," said Bella with a laugh. "The vampire thing was definitely an upgrade for me."

"For me too," agreed Damon. He liked Bella. She had the right attitude about being a vampire. "So, what should we do? What is the happening hipster place here in Forks?"

Bella laughed. "Happening? Maybe. Hipster? Never. Do you eat people food?"

"'People' or 'people food'?" asked Damon, wondering if things had taken a sudden interesting turn.

"Food, real food. Sorry, that came out like I was asking if the family dog could have table scraps, . If my friend was here I would never hear the end of it."

"Let me guess," said Damon, picking up a slight scent in the air. "Werewolf?"

"Wow," said Bella, impressed. "Very good. My son-in- uh, I mean, my best friend Jake is one. I take it you know some werewolves?"

"Yes, but it's more a love-hate-love-try-to-murder-each-other kind of thing. And hybrids."

Bella mocks being impressed. "Hybrids? I didn't realize Mystic Falls was so 'big city'."

"If only," said Damon. "Anyway, back to your question. No, I do not eat people food. I could go for a drink."

"The new Olive Garden has a full bar," said Bella, instantly feeling like a dork for how excited she sounded about an Olive Garden opening in Forks.

"That'd be great," said Damon, liking Bella even more. It had been a long time since he had met someone this real. Maybe not since Lexi. "Just don't tell my brother Stefan. I have a persona to keep up."

"It's up this way," said Bella with a laugh, leading Damon back the way she had come.

The clouds above them broke open for a moment, a ray of sunshine flashing across Bella's face. For that brief time Bella's skin appeared to be made of millions of tiny diamonds.

"You twinkle," said Damon.

Bella stopped walking, her guard up now, the disappointment obvious in her voice. "No. I sparkle. You have a problem with that?"

"What? No way," said Damon, a huge smile appearing on his face. "That. Is. Awesome!"

Relieved, Bella laughed. "Down boy, the rumors you heard about sparkling vampires are not true."

Damon raised his hands in apology. "Of course, you're right, sorry about that. I promise, I will be a perfect gentleman."

Damon put his arm out for Bella to take, which she did. They walked down the street in silence for few moments, then Bella said, "Well, not all the rumors. A few are true."

The Forks Olive Garden was bustling. Damon and Bella found a table in the bar. Across the room Bella saw Jessica sitting with some friends. Jessica pointed at Damon then gave Bella a "not bad!" look and less-than-subtle thumbs up.

"Friend?" asked Damon.

"Since high school. She's been after me to start dating more," said Bella.

A waitress arrived to take their drink order.

"Do you have True Blood Lite— Ouch!" Damon felt a sharp pain in his shin. Bella had kicked him. Hard. Damon looked across the table at Bella to see that she was trying to wave him off. "Um, I mean, two dirty martinis?"

"Perfect!" said Bella, a little too quickly.

The waitress, slammed with tables, was too busy to care about Damon's initial order. She spun on her heal, heading for the crowded bar to get their drinks.

"We keep the whole vampire thing very quiet up here. It's not like the south where they have True Blood billboards and TV ads," explained Bella.

"Understood," said Damon, rubbing his leg where she had kicked him. "So, Caroline said you used to be married."

"To the love of my life. Man who turned me into a vampire. Father of my daughter," said Bella, realizing she might be sharing too much too fast. "Is me having a daughter a problem?"

"No," said Damon truthfully. "Not at all. And you don't have to talk to about what happened with your husband."

"Probably best we get everything out in the open before we get too far," said Bella. "Everything was great, perfect really. Then one day, a dark magic witch shows up."

"Oh, I know about them. Always a party," said Damon sarcastically.

"Right? She said she was here to destroy the vampires and the werewolves. What she didn't realize is that vampires and werewolves are more than allies here. We're family."

"I take it the witch ended up in many little bloody pieces."

"You know it, but before we could put her down she opened this trans-dimensional portal to try and escape. She was killed before she could reach it, but not before someone else was able to cross over to here," said Bella.

"From where? Hell dimension? Alternate dimension? Alternate Hell dimension?" asked Damon.

"More like a mirror universe. The girl who came through could have been my twin," said Bella.

"Why is it that dark magic witches and doppelgangers always seem to go together?"

"Seriously. Edward, that's my ex, takes one look at her and that was it. Even though this girl and I look exactly alike, suddenly he's found 'the one'. Plus, she is into all sorts of weird stuff I'm not," said Bella, realizing again she was over sharing. "Sorry, if I could blush I would. I mean, I like to have fun with the person I'm with, but I draw the line at the heavy S&M stuff."

"Honestly, that line is sometimes blurred for me, but my partner has to be into it too," said Damon.

"Fair enough. For Edward, that was what he wanted. He and Anastasia took off without one look back."

"He's an idiot," said Damon, meaning it.

Bella shrugged, trying not to let the hurt show, but Damon could see it in her eyes.

"My story doesn't involve alternate dimensions; at least I don't think so," said Damon. "Lots of witches and doppelgangers, though."

The waitress arrived with their drinks. Bella and Damon raised their glasses. Damon said, "To a world, or at least a night, where the doppelgangers stay far away."

"I'll drink to that," said Bella, downing her martini. She motioned to the waitress for another round then turned back to Damon. "Come on, out with it. I gave you my story, you give me yours."

"I fell in love with my brother's ex-girlfriend," said Damon, downing his drink.

"Yikes. That must have been fun at holidays," said Bella.

"Huge mistake. You know, hindsight, twenty-twenty, all that."

"Oh, I do know."

The waitress arrived with their next round and was gone again that fast.

"Anyway, we fall in love, she dies, becomes a vampire," said Damon.

"I've done that," said Bella. "Died and woke up a vampire."

"Haven't we all. Anyway, so now she's a vampire, we're still in love, then a bunch of crap happens involving Originals, immortals, hunters – which we seem to get through okay – and then she dumps me," said Damon.

"What did you do?" asked Bella.

"Why do you think I did anything?" asked Damon innocently.

"Caroline told me a lot about you. I know you're a player, a bad boy," said Bella.

"Caroline never told me, how do you two know each other?" asked Damon.

"I went with my daughter to look at colleges and Caroline was our student guide at Whitmore," said Bella. She could see Damon trying to make sense of that. "Don't strain yourself trying to do the math. I became a vampire only a few years ago. My daughter Renesmee is a hybrid."

"Human and vampire, not werewolf and vampire?"

"Right. With accelerated growth and intelligence equivalent of someone around college age. So Caroline gave us a tour of the school, realized that I was a vampire and Renesmee part vampire, and we became fast friends," said Bella, smiling at the memory. "How about you, how do you know Caroline?"

"Technically, I guess you could say I'm her sire," said Damon.

"Ew, no, ew," said Bella, waving her hands as if trying to make the thought of that go away. "I hate the term 'sire.' It comes off all sexist and creepy."

"Um," said Damon, not sure where to go with that.

"Say you 'turned her'. Still technically correct—"

"But not creepy?" asked Damon.

"Exactly," said Bella happily. "So finish, why'd your girlfriend dump you?"

"Because I systematically killed a family of humans that dedicated their lives to experimenting on vampires over decades at a time. Nazi-caliber experiments. I was one of their subjects," said Damon, the memory still hard.

"She had a problem with you ending them?" asked Bella.

"Big time," said Damon.

"You should have dumped her first," said Bella.

A huge gust of wind struck Bella and Damon. As if out of nowhere, an attractive, shorthaired young woman now stood next to their table. She glared down at them.

Damon went into attack mode, veins around his eyes popping, fangs out.

Bella reached across the table and poked Damon's forehead hard. "Dude, fangs in. It's just my ex-sister in law, Alice."

"'Ex-sister in law?'" said Alice, collapsing into a chair crying.

Alice, her composure returned, finished her third drink. She glared at Bella. "I hate when you say 'ex-sister in law.'"

"Edward and I are divorced," said Bella.

"Edward's an idiot," said Alice.

"My thoughts exactly," said Damon.

"And since we're divorced…" said Bella to Alice.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence! Drop the 'ex' and drop the 'in law' and just refer to me as what I am. Your sister," said Alice.

Bella hugged Alice and said, "You're right, you're right. You will always be my sister and I love you."

"Thank you," said Alice. "I love you, too."

"Anyway, thanks for stopping by," said Bella. "Kind of on a date here."

"'Kind of?" said Damon, feigning hurt.

"Not helping, Damon," said Bella.

"Sorry," said Damon.

"Seriously, Alice, we're kind of on a date here," said Bella. She glanced over at Damon. "An awesome date?"

"Much better," said Damon, pleased with that.

"What happened to the guy Jessica fixed you up with? Her cousin. What was his name? Dean?" asked Alice. "I had seen some potential there."

Damon crossed his arms and stared at Bella. "Yes, Bella, what ever did come of Dean?"

"You want to know about Dean, Alice? Dean, who turned out to be a hunter, which you failed to mention by the way," asked Bella, her temper flaring.

"Oh," said Alice. "I didn't think that was a deal breaker."

"I dated a hunter once. Actually more of a slayer. Blonde, former cheerleader, from California. She kept calling me 'Angel'. I thought it was like a pet name for me, and then I realized it was the name of her ex," said Damon. "She also sometimes called me Spike. I thought that was a nickname for my, well, you know…"

"Again, not helping, Damon," said Bella. "Anyway, yes, Dean turned out to be a hunter with major Daddy issues. The worse thing was he would get all teary eyed at the drop of a hat. It was like going out with the audience of a singles-only screening of 'The Notebook'."

Damon laughed hard. "I'm so using that next time I describe my brother to someone."

Alice grabbed hold of Damon's ear and twisted.

"Hey," said Damon, trying to swat Alice away from his ear.

Alice was too fast, though, and had grabbed hold and was twisting his other ear. Again, Damon tried to swat Alice away, but in a flash she was back to the first ear. Damon, not sure what was going on, looked to Bella for an explanation. "Help?"

"Alice is clairvoyant. Sees everything before it happens so she can anticipate your every move," said Bella.

Damon raised his hands in surrender. "And the really painful ear twisting because?"

"Because I see what you are going to do to Bella," Alice said angrily.

"I'm not going to do anything to Bella. I really like her," insisted Damon, hurt by the accusation.

"Anything Damon and I do is between us, Alice," said Bella. "Besides, Edward and I are divorced and he has moved on in every way with Anastasia."

"I hate that ugly Anastasia," said Alice.

"Thanks, Alice, considering I look exactly like her." Now Bella is angry.

"Anastasia is ugly on the inside. And kind of a perv. You are beautiful inside and out," said Alice. "And it's not the two of you hooking up that bothers me. Damon will be a tender lover who takes care of your needs. Kind of beautiful and sweet, actually."

"Are her visions always right?" Damon asked Bella hopefully.

Bella ignored Damon. "Alice, stop twisting Damon's ear and tell me what you saw."

Alice reluctantly released Damon's ear. "Your date, Damon Salvatore, is a vampire killer. He has even fed on other vampires."

Damon shrugged, not denying it. "Things were said, feelings were hurt, drugs were injected unwillingly into me that made me a vampire cannibal. Well, just for their blood. Anyway, bygones."

"All in the past, all I know about. Caroline told me," said Bella. "What's the future, Alice? What has you so worked up?"

"The Volturi," said Alice dramatically.

"Oh here we go," said Bella rolling her eyes.

"Volturi? Italians? Snappy dressers? Terrible skin regimen?" asked Damon.

"Psycho killers with magical powers? Yeah, them," said Bella. "What about The Volturi this time?"

"You know they consider Renesmee to be a prize. They know Edward is gone. They are thinking of trying to take her," said Alice.

"Last time they tried that the outcome would have been their death, which The Volturi knows. Edward was not the deciding factor in the battle that almost happened. Renesmee and I were," said Bella furiously.

"Edward gone is still a new variable, though. They are considering that it may be just enough of a variable to be successful in taking Renesmee, no matter how high their losses would be," said Alice.

"We always knew they might try again. Why are you so upset about it tonight?" asked Bella.

Alice pointed at Damon. "A new variable has been introduced."

"Me?" asked Damon, pointing at himself. "In what way?"

Sighing, Alice said, "This ends up being more than a blind date for the two of you. You Damon find a way to move on from Elena, realizing Bella is your true love."

"Whoa, spoiler alert," said Damon. Bella, not unhappy to hear that, playfully punches him in the arm.

"And you Bella find in Damon a man that can heal your heart after what Edward did to it. More than that, you find in Damon a man who is as fiercely protective of you and Renesmee as Jake is."

"That's the werewolf, right?" asked Damon.

"Correct," confirmed Bella, smiling over at Damon.

"Damon comes up with a plan," said Alice.

"Go to Italy and kill all the Volturi before they can even think of coming over here and try to take Renesmee," said Damon.

Alice is shocked. "Uh, yes, that's what happens."

"You clairvoyant too?" asked Bella jokingly.

"No, all my plans are basically the same. Kill everyone," said Damon.

Bella reached over and took Alice's hand. Serious now, she asked, "What happens, Alice? Do we succeed?"

"I see three possible outcomes. One where you succeed and both make it back alive. One where you succeed in stopping The Volturi, but both of you die. And one where you fail, you both die, and Renesmee is the Volturi's forever," said Alice, the thought of the last one causing a tear to run down her cheek.

"There's a fourth one, though, isn't there?" asked Damon. "One where we do nothing. What happens then, Alice? How many possible outcomes for that?"

"Just one," said Alice solemnly. "Three years from now The Volturi discover the existence of an immortal vampire, actually a vampire werewolf hybrid. They kidnap his child and force the hybrid to join in their raid to take Renesmee. He cannot be killed. He kills all the vampires, all the werewolves. He even kills all the humans here in Forks, then burns the town to the ground."

"Klaus," said Damon with disgust.

"Yes, Klaus Mikaelson," said Alice.

"And Klaus is?" asked Bella.

"An Original vampire. And a dick," said Damon. "Doesn't seem like we have much choice, do we?"

"No, it doesn't. We should go tonight," said Bella.

"Tonight? What about Renesmee?" asked Alice.

"You mean my super human vampire hybrid daughter who is the physical, mental and emotional equivalent of a twenty-year old woman who is married to Jake, who himself has the ability to change into a giant werewolf killing machine? You mean that Renesmee? She'll be fine. Or she won't be. Depending on if Damon and I are successful against The Volturi. You know that. You've already seen it," said Bella.

"I know. I'm just afraid. That's why I'm going with you," said Alice.

Damon pulls out his iPhone and gets online. "There's a flight in three hours out of Seattle to Rome. Think we can make it?"

"If Alice drives, definitely," said Bella.

"Should we call, what was his name, Dean? See if he wants to come along so Alice doesn't feel like a third wheel?" asked Damon.

Alice waves her wedding ring in Damon's face. "First, married. Second, I don't like cry babies. His brother is cute, though. And tall. Very, very tall."

"We're not calling his brother either," said Bella. She hands Damon her Black American Express card to pay for the plane tickets. "Sorry our night got interrupted."

"Are you kidding?" said Damon. "This is the best blind date I've had in 158 years."

End of Part One

To Be Continued In:

Bella and Damon's Italian Adventure (With Alice Tagging Along)


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